Rhiris Maulidha

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A group of friends and I were watching a TV documentary one of my friends put together on sexual selection and consumerism in the twenty-first century. As I was watching the documentary I noticed that when the men interviewed -- and all of them in the company of their girlfriends or lovers or spouses -- were asked how they'd describe the women by their sides, the words that came up were "hot" and "sexy". This was the same for 20 year olds as it was for 60 year olds -- and of course the women proudly smiled, giggled or laughed. Out of the 30 men interviewed only two men described their women as "beautiful" and both men were in their 50s.

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I asked my friends if that struck them as "odd" and one of them simply shrugged his shoulders and said "Runaway consumerism, it's everywhere". The others seemed to agree. But as someone very interested in things beyond the obvious, I felt that there was a deeper and more underlying message in that documentary that wanted to be communicated.

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Nine out of thirty men interviewed said they were at the time of the interview only interested in a short-term sex relationship (of course they did not say this infront of the women). Fourteen of them said they thought their women were "hot and sexy" but they'd have sex with women other than the ones they were with if these other women were "hot and sexy". Five of them said their women were "hot and sexy" because they looked great and were also feisty in the bedroom. The only two men who described their women as "beautiful" said "she is everything I ever wanted in a woman".

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To me this just confirmed what I've learned from many years of working in the dating and relationships field. I can tell with 99% accuracy what kind of relationship men and women are likely to end up with if they do not change course -- especially their beliefs about the opposite sex and attitudes towards male-female romantic and sexual relationships in general.

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Many men and women think they know what they are looking for in a mate but often find that they end up with men and women very different from what they say they are looking for. They are usually surprised to find out that they did not end up with the people who are different from what they are looking for, they ended up with the people who have EXACTLY the attributes related to what they emphasize in a partner.